It's almost like a fast forward, and now everyone is leaving Troy and embarking on their last stretch of travelling before heading back to Singapore......After all that mental preparation the past 3 weeks, I doubt any of us will ever be "prepared" to leave our GIP life.

Some of us, like Valerie and Zixuan were ready to go home, and it made me kinda felt like going home too sometimes. If not for the fact that I am quite interest in the nature of my internship research, I think I would just got on a plane and go home. I know for sure I'll dip into a period of depression, realizing that all the familiar people are not beside me, or even somewhere accessible. After Valerie, Zixuan and Pei Pei left for DC today, I'm really beginning to feel it..... I just hope the travelling will help buffer the transition between being a part of a 14 exchange student group to an individual overseas internship student. It's really quite scary.

As the 3 of us left in the apartment were clearing what remains in the apartment, it really feels like we were going back in time to where we first started, when the whole apartment was empty. As the days add on our calender, so did the things we bought, together, for the apartment. What was added to the apartment since we came, were , well ,ALOT of groceries and food stuff, but also new understanding for each other. I realized that you trully learn alot about people when you stay with them for a few months. Without fail, you'll be able to catch each person's flaws, and for the first person you find a major flaw, the first reaction would be "turn off", followed by asking the other housemate if they feel the same way. More often than not, all the other housemates come to agreement, and this will most probably lead to a period of gossips here and there, with the intention of both not wanting to hurt the "person" and also for the kick of talking behind people shortcomings.

But as time passes, you'll realize that this will happen for each person in the house. Then ultimately, it'll go one full circle and back to you, where you'll somehow get feedback on your own major flaw. Only then will you realize that, EVERYONE has a major flaw! Just when you think that the person you are gossiping about belong to the minority in the population that just annoys people, look closer, everyone is in this "group", even yourself! This is a very big lesson I've learned from my housemates, to never be judgmental about others, because our own flaws are equally or even more annoying to others.

At first, when Daphne finally revealed to me today that sometimes I make decisions and assume that everyone is happy with it, my first reaction was to defend myself. Because I felt injustice, I felt that all the "house" decisions I made was more often than not for the good of others and not myself.....and yet I was just seen as being assertive. I felt frustrated, unappreciated and angry. But I realized, that I was generalizing my role back in my family to this "family". At home I made all the decisions, did all the initiation, and "took care" of stuff. But that was for my "little" brothers and sister! And I realized, that I simply cannot do that for a group of adults. No doubt my intention is to serve others, but I realized that if I have made assumptions,thinking that the people I was caring for would agreed and be equally as excited as me about them. It's to my greatest horror, that my way of serving others only "serves" to serve myself- what "I" think is best for people, is not always what they are happy or comfortable with. I am totally humbled, and it's time to do some soul searching......

Now I just feel bad that Daphne and especially Valerie had to put up with that part of me. But they taught me something else about myself, that I would NEVER have realized if they didn't point it out to me. It made me realize that caring is not just about the outcome, but how the people involve "feel" about the process. Not everyone wants to be cared for in the same way, and things just backfire if you make too many assumptions.

Well, although I feel frustrated about my deep mistake, I am still glad that Daphne told me about it. Opening up is always the best, because it bridges understanding instead of brewing resentments! And the 3 of us has been quite open about things , at least ultimately, with each other. I'm really happy that I got to know them better, their flaws and their strengths and they taught me about my own problems too! I guess living together should not be all smooth-flowing and friendly, because that only avoids clashing of differences. It's only when differences clash, will people grow new chemistry and bonds with each other- so science (chemistry) does make sense!

I just hope that whatever time i have left here with the GIP people I will treasure it, because we can never have such an experience again in our lives. When we all go back to our families, our friends, our best friends, we may not ever be so close anymore, but we definitely shared something special during these 5 months here on GIP!

Right now, I definitely have half the mind of wanting to go back. But I'll have to push myself abit more this time, there's more to experience and more to learn. And first up, TRAVELLING ALONE IN NYC!!!!