Reflections

Hey guys!

This is a self-reflection entry. So if you think you will be bored with me talking about my personal growth and reflection of GIP so far, you can skip this entry. Erm...not that you got something to skip to yet.....so...haha you decide whether you wanna read it or not....Cos it's going to be W-O-R-D-Y!!!!

Issey just reminded us that we only have one month left to the end of our school semester here! My goodness, time don't fly....it flashes!

After composing my previous entry, I kind of got in the blogging mood, so I went back to read my 1st entry to remind me what was going through my mind when I promised to blog!

One of them was to update on what been happening, I realize I have been kinda slipshot, just reporting the events. So I feel that I should have an entry about how LIFE has really been so far here.

Right now, I am really comfortable with life here. I enjoy the feeling of waking up in the morning, reading the bible, doing stretches and then my highlight of the morning......breakfast! In fact, it's usually the first thing that come to mind when I wake up, before I open my eyes! I grew a new appreciation for oatmeal, specifically "QUAKER" brand oats. They have many flavours and it turns into a pudding-like mix when you heat it in the oven. Valerie is totally disgusted with me, because she says the oatmeal looks more like vomit than something edible. She doesn't even want to help me wash my bowl if there are oat particles left in it. But don't be mistaken, she can be abit gu niang sometimes, but she never fail to help with the dishes and dinner!

School's been really great! I must have told most of you already, but I will just repeat it for the benefit of those I haven't mentioned to. Seet and Lua, you don't "harnah" me for repeating myself again hor, this time I KNOW I am repeating. Oh yah, back to my story about school here. I really like the modules I took, moral development, philosophy, learning, basic drawing. In fact I like all of them......ok not so much for fundamental music theory. I simply get so lost every class! It's amazing how I can be in a class as feel like I have been skipping the previous classes! It's really great that they emphasize depth instead of scope here.

I remember on my first entry I mentioned that another reason for coming here was really to understand myself better and correct some bad habits. Guess what? Things are not always as ideal as they are hoped to be! One thing's for sure, going away on GIP really gave me a chance to look at myself and who I am. Instead of correcting bad habits, I really got acquainted with my flaws. Haven't really got down to dealing with it, but it has been a eye-opening, jaw-dropping, hair-rustling experience!

Haha no lah, just exaggerating......but one thing I realized is that I can be really inflexible. Not that I don't already know, but I have really come to see that things don't need to always go the way I imagined or planned for it to be. Sometimes imperfection is a beauty in it own way! And more often than not, it is the process that we should all derive joy from, because in the process, we learn to hope and to work towards that hope. Trying to keep everything down to the nitty gritty is not only self-inflicted stress but it has also allowed fear to get to me. The fear of failing, the fear of not meeting this internal standard. Jac, I remember you telling me, it's ok to be weak sometimes, things don't have to be so perfect all the time. I'm really getting to see that......just....beginning. I realized that my fear of failing has in fact held me back from giving my best because I'm to caught up with be afraid. Courage is not given, not found, but pursued! Sometime u really need to just heck it and go for it! And that's really what I have to learn-”heck it, just do it!”

Another big flaw is that, whatever standard I set for myself, I tend to impose it on the people around me, especially when we are living together. This has caused me to face a lot of disappointment and unnecessary resentment! In the end, it all boils down to my inflexibility......people all have flaws and we are constantly learning, I can't expect people to know what's on my mind and what I prefer or not! Sometimes I have too much expectation of how people should do things that I realize I tend to jump into judging people. Who am I to judge when I am only another human that is flaw-stricken?! More often than not, after jumping into conclusions about a person's personality, I always realize how wrong I was. Then, the guilt comes in......So room number 2 for change.

Hm...for now that's all I can think of. Actually it's cos I'm feeling sleepy already-it's 1030 here and it has been a long day......I'll definitely continue with my self-reflection and you can look into the mirror with me! Get it? Reflection......mirror? (Not bad, so sleepy still can crack a joke!)

Till next time folks!

Success in life consists of going from one mistake to the next without losing your enthusiasm.

~Winston Churchill