Better late than never blog

Only at my second entry after 13 days of travel! Some things just never change...

Now that Jac has gone back to Singapore, I'll be travelling on my own going around visiting the people I have been hoping to see again. I shall just skip past my trip in DC and New York and talk about now, before I forget everything. I'll get back to them later on, somehow...

I dun know if i mentioned in my prev entry, but coming to the US this time felt like I was returning home, a place I left abruptly. So there was less vacation excitement, but more of like an extension to where I left off. I wanted to go visit other states the last time, so this time i did- Washington DC, Delaware. And I will be seeing a little of New Jersey when I stay over at Shaina's (she came to NTU for an exchange program and I met her in class).

I'm in Rhode Island now, been here 2 days, and it feels so much like home! Waking up at 6am to bright sunshine, breakfast, then harvesting from the garden-occasionally harvesting black rasberries for my stomach. doing the dishes is the only thing I can offer to Rose and Paul for their hospitality, so I find joy in it :) The garden, always beautiful with all the flowers and pots of tomato. I love picking up leftovers from the stand, where they sell the harvet, for dinner. There's just this joy and comfort in self-sufficiency.

The first day I came I earned 35bucks, from helping Rose clean up one of the houses she worked for, and walking a dog (it was 20 USD per hour!) Today I got a ride on the highway on Paul's 1700cc Yamaha bike-it was really quite cool! But it wasn't all that fun when he went from 10mph to 80mph in 5 seconds...it felt like those moments when ur cycling down a steep slope and you feel like you'll lose control and just die. But, I got used to it after a while, and even secretly hope to get a bike on my own. Actually....not so much a secret since I did mention many times I would like a bike for my transport. Oh well, let's see how things go.

Being back here relinguish that sense of freedom I once felt when I was here. I just didn't realize that it disappeared when i got back to singapore, so much I didn't feel it anymore. Now that it's coming back to me, I really wish I could stay on here and just live a carefree life. Striving hard to earn money just don't make that much sense when you know life can be peaceful and contented. I would really wanna come back here to study, get myself a clinical degree so I could work in the hospital where my aim is to serve, not to collect cash every payday.

I hope this trip back here remind me that life can go on without being unsurped into a hectic society where money always seem to be a factor. Over here, you can get any job at all and earn sufficient living, yet enjoy life. People don't compare the prestige of their job so much, at least in places like rhode island (at least there are such places you know!), whether the pay is matched up to their degree, what branded goods they have acquired etc....I guess some people find that kinda life fulfilling, a constant journey of ACHIEVEMENT. But like Morrie says "If you culture dont'work, don't buy it".

Photos....arg...i hate to upload photos on blogger. I really admire people who have the patience to upload pictures...ok I gtg now, need to get soem stuff for my next stop-a beach gathering at my friend's place. Really looking forward to it cos there will be frisbee!! And I mean actual ultimate frisbee games...finally!

Can't wait to see the kids in albany too! The in-charge has allowed me to join their camp for 3 days, how great is that! I just wish I won't be too relunctant to leave.

Oh man I bought so much stuff I am so excitement to give them out! And tell them about all the super deals that I can never get in Singapore. Forget about Great Singapore SALE!

Turbulance while in the lavatory!!!

Day one....actually day zero to be exact. IT being the second time I am flying without family and going to the US, I didn't really get the nerves, but insted was really excited! I still can't believe that I am finally going for my GRADUATION trip, after talking about it for 4 years! I am finally the one on the other side of the departure gate!

I enjoyed the one-on-one time with my mum in the car when she sent me off to the airport. And of cos, my aunt's presence at the airport gave me reminders that I should be more alert, especially when I have to take care of Jacqueline too - it's her first time travelling without family. Like my aunt said, Manfred got conned into sending me off thinking no one was, when what I meant was no FRIENDS sending me off. Well, lucky he did, if not I really would be alone as my aunt and mum had to leave soon after they arrived.

Ok enough about the excitement...all the custom stuff at changi airport went ok, and I realized I wasn't as worried that my passport might not be readable for some reason or my thunbprint don't match my records.

Everything else was kinda normal and going smooth all the way till the plane took off. Jacq and I finally had a chance and all the time in the world to talk, about anything and everything. She's one person whom is most receptive to what I say and she thinks so about me too. No matter what happens, we try not to judge and talk things through. It's great to have her, and Wm in my life, because they are the people whom I can be really honest with my opinions, without fearing that they will like me any less or talk behind my back. Well I can count on Wm to slap me in my face with reality! They are great, and true friends do not just come naturally, they are God sent.

Ok, now the highlight of today...I woke up from drifting to sleep watching "limitless" and went to the lavatory. With my mind half asleep, I did my stuff and was ready to open the lavatory door when i felt my body being pulled to the ground and the whole lavatory being hauled skywards! Reflex pushed my hands to hold on to the door handle and brace myself my tryig to anchor my feet to the ground. It was an awkward position...I can totally picture it. A sight I would totally laugh at :S Then came the announcement for all passengers to return to their seat. I had all the intention to follow but part of me was wondering "isn't it more dangerous to be WALKING back to my seat then sitting on the toilet seat". But my in-shock mind held on to the believe that the crew would be more experienced than me.

That's about it for today, nothing too out of the ordinary, except for the fact that I almost hit the ceiling in the lavatory! This trip, is not only for leisure per se, but really a break for both me and jacqueline to calm down, reflect on our lives now and prepare ourselve for the next phase of our lives. And it's great to be embarking on this DISCOVERY journey with her. People say that travelling together can make friends become enemies....I see it also as a test of our friendship. Though we already had some disagreements before we left, I have faith that we'll enjoy this trip.

I'll be visiting Albany and the Boys and Girls club that I volunteered in. Tehy have agreed ot let me join their camp for 3 days! I'm so looking forward to it, especially when I promised some of the kids that I will be back next summer..this one. Though they probably forgot, but I can't help but hope to keep my promise to these little friends that brought the best out of me when I was there.

Oh man, though I thought I didn't have much to say, it's quite a long entry. Till next time! hopefully I'll be more conscientous in blogging (Bryan I will try k!).

Getting ready to leave

It's been along time since i last blogged. I've been really focussed on spending more time and effort with the kids here at the ALbany Boys and Girls club....and doinng more shopping. For gifts and also for clothes, because the deals here are just too good to be true, in comparison to singapore. Oh man, I think i won't shop in singapore for a long time, eveyrthing is sooo expensive! Shopping really takes soo much time here, especially when travelling to and fro already take up 2 hours-since i don't have a car, i have to take the public bus. And that's excluding waiting time!

ALthough I am going to leave in less than 2 weeks (I amd reluctant to count exactly how many days i have left), I still get to know new kids everyday. I get to talk to them, engage them, remember their names, and they remember mine. It's just so sad that there are so many more kids i haven't got to know and I already have to leave. I wasn't sure if i should tell them about me leaving next week, I just dun want them to feel that I didn't really care when i leave. I told some of them today, and they were asking me when i owuld come back. All i can say is, maybe in 1 yrs time when i come back to do my masters. I don't even know if i would be near this place for my masters.

Today I asked Karly, the human resource manager if I could get some form of certificate that I have been here. If i wanna to continue working with children, a certificate of voluntary work here would be really helpful. I dun want any credit, I just want something that could help me continue working with children in the future. And I was really touched when she told me, whenever I'm not here, the kids go to her and ask her for me. They would say " where's Ms Regina? She gotta play with me".

Small little things like the kids remembering my name, asking around for me, asking me to go in to the pool with them, really makes me feel wanted here and reluctant to leave this place and these kids for good. It's like I've grown roots here, formed meaningful relationships and found unconditional friendship that fills my life with joy and contentment.

I've been starting to take photos of the kids and some with me. I'm going to put them into a sketchbook and get them to write something in it, even if it's their names. Photos always bring back good memories, and my time spent here has been one of the happiest so far. I've never been so reluctant to leave somewhere so much. But I know part of me is relieved to go back to my family, to see them again, to do the things we always do again. Doing this really distracts me from thining how sad it is to leave the kids. It's amazing, but it kinda replace the sadness with excitement, excitement to put as many photos and get as many kids to write in my sketchbook.

I really love these kids...and i hope if i do come back i might still be able to see them! Maybe next summer....Perhaps i can find a summer job here!

The kids are amazing!

Hey guys, this entry is more like a self-expression entry, not one that reports what is happening around here. So if you don't wanna waste time hearing me go on and on about the kids at the Boys and Girls club, don't even start reading.

These two weeks have been really packed! Tues to Thurs 9am to 5pm of volunteer work at the albany boys and girls club, with Tues and thurs split between the BGC in Troy and Albany.

I get really exhausted when I get back to the apartment nowadays. I don't even cook dinner anymore, and today, i actually skipped lunch! I NEVER skip my meals, i'll at least get something light to eat. Everyday when i get back to the apartment, I just wanna bath and sleep. But i still have to work on my FYP research....zzz

But you know what? Everytime i get on my way back from the centre, I am already looking forward to going there the next day. Like now, i'm so excited to go back there and be around the kids. the kids are just great, and they have this ability to get you addicted to them!! Be it the sweet ones that come to you and say they like you, or the playful ones and defiant ones that question the rules all the time, they just get to you! I was speaking to one of the counsellor working at the centre, and he says that too! So it's not like i'm super kindhearted or caring, but it's the kids, they are just lovable. I've never liked to be somewhere so much even though it's really exhausting.

I'm so going to miss the kids when i leave....so so going to....If there is any reason for me to stay, it would be these kids, and with abit more irrationality and impulse, I might do that you know. I'm kinda doubting myself if I will NOT do it, but i jsut have too much i have to return to. You know, people sometimes have this impulse to give up everything and just go somewhere to do something in another part of the world? I'm feeling a tinch of it right now, I hope it's just a moment of impulse and that it'll fade away.

I feel so blessed that at least the kids don't shun me because i'm an asian and i'm different from them. They have been showing me so much love and attention which I ought to be giving to them. They'll come to you and say "hi", ask you to play with them, tell you they like you, they like your hair, and they want you to talk to them. The fact that they even come to you and want your company, not everyone gets that you know. I guess I'm a big kid myself, and perhaps they feel that too and can relate to me. I'm feeling really happy today even though i'm feeling really tired on the outside, because a little girl gave me a sticker today! There was this girl, she's really brilliant I tell you! She loves to read and write and is a sweethear tto talk to! It was time for the kids to leave the centre and I was finding a spot to sit down and rest when these two girls ccame to me, McKayla and Lauran. I've been toking and playing with them just for the past two days and they actually remembered me! Adults tend to forget, even though they are supposed to have better memory.

Today, there was this kid called Xavier, pronounced like the X-men professor. I was palying basketball and I beat him, I think i should have cut him some slack. But he was so confident he would win me that I can't help but prove him wrong-see that kid in me overpowering me again? It was quite amusing, because in the midst of getting thrashed, he was saying he never lost to a girl. But I think the next time I'll let him win...I had my turn already...

I could go on and on talking about each kid that I interact with and whom still remembers me two days later...but I'll just stop here. But really, once you get to know them, you'll realize you actually like them more than you think you do. I'm going to make a bet, but I feel that anyone will agree!

I'm really neglecting my FYP research and self-study, but I really can't help it. Who would spend time studying when you have only one month left to hang out every week day with the kids?! Oh God, please bless me with some discipline...I really need to get to work!

Sorry to whoever is reading this entry. I just feel so excited about the kids everyday that I just need to put it down somewhere. This entry is more like a self-expression entry, not one that reports what is happening around here. Ok I think i'll state that at the beginning of this entry so I can spare thosee who don't wanna waste time listening to me going on and on about my self-indulged excitement.

First day as a volunteer

In Rhode island now, back at my jiejie's house. It's almost like a routine now, coming over on the weekends. Helping her in her garden, cycling along the bike trail in the evenings, walking buddy, and going to URI for day study......Just when I'm starting to get used to life like these, reality checks on me and reminds me that I only have one more month-4 more weekends to do this. I really going to miss everything here.....



Oh i forgot to talk about my first day volunteering at the Boys and Girls club. I really enjoyed the company of the kids, in fact, I hoped to have gone to the club on friday instead of going to rhode island. Although they were black children from needy family, who were supposedly less motivated and of lower academic competence, they actually appear more confident and responsive towards the staff in the centre. I'm sure given more guidance and pointed ot the right direction, these kids can achieve much more! But then again, financial difficulties implicate so much more that makes it harder for these kids to fulfill their potential and dreams. I can only hope that somewhere along the way, they find inspiration to pursue something better!

I realized that kids are so different from each other. Everyone like kids who are agreeable, participative, friendly and responsive, and adults can unconsciously show favoritism towards certain kids. I almost got into that, but realize my mistake when i came across a kid during gym, who didn't seem interested to participate in playing any games with anyone.

He seemed quite lost at what to do at first, and simply sat on the side bench while everyone else, including the staff, were playing some game. I tried talking to him and asked him if there was any game he liked to play, but he just shook his head and kept silent. This kid stood out from the rest, because he was exceptionally reserved and introverted. this is in stark contrast to the other kids because they ALL were funloving and outspoken. I hope to be able to at least able to engage him in gym before I leave this place. It's a challenge that I might not have the means or appropriate knowledge to overcome, but i do hope that at least I can become a friend.

I remember that day when Paul picked me up from the centre to go to rhode island, we drove past a black neighbourhood that people would associate with the word "ghetto". Even though separated by the window screen, I could feel the atmosphere outside, with the loud hiphop music, people shouting to each other, kids playing on the streets, and people hanging around the steps from their apts. I've always wanted to go to brooklyn to feel what the black culture is like, I guess I didn't have to go that far.

It was not fear that i felt. Instead, on one hand I was fascinated about finally seeing such a street for myself, and the other, respect for this special lifestyle that belonged to the african americans. I respect their style, their attitude, and also the hardship they face as "blacks". I believe that many others would have felt the same if they saw what i did. Most of the black people are disadvantaged, especially the innocent children, but they don't need sympathy, they need opportunity. I do hope that life could be kinder towards them. And welfare centres like the boy and girls club, is definietly another step towards a better future for the kids.

I know i've said this before, but I am again very thankful that I came to american, that i decided to go for this internship and also coincidentally, my professor transferred me to my current professor. If all these had not happened, I would not have experienced so much more! Just like what Sandar says, "it's God's grace". I trully believe it is! Because if it were not so, I don't think I would be able to come here in the first place.

Whoever is reading this, do grab any opportunity that brings you to different places that could give you another side of life. It really opens your eyes and help you realize how meaningful it is to just be alive! You're life is not all there is, and believe me, you need to experience it to trully understand and be convinced about that. I remember Michael Jackson's song had this phrase "stop existing and start living". I''m beginning to get what this means.

Oh man, another long entry! But well, these are what I really feel and since I promised to share what's happening here, it only fair i put in enough details right?

I'm really looking forward to Tuesday when I see the kids again......Wish me luck!

WORKshops finally begins

Finally the workshops for my internship began!

I only found out today that it was us, the group of students who are conducting the workshop. I met the interns who were paid to work for this professor as I was only there to help-the workshop under my professor starts only next week.

I'll be working in the workshops for what they call Boys and Girls club, which functions like a day care centre for needy families in the neighbourhood (mostly blacks). This one that I went today is in Albany while he one under my professor is in Troy. The clubs serve allow parents to leave their children, and off the streets, when they go for work in the day. If you could see for yourself the kinds people on the streets, you would be able to understand why these centres are hope for the children. Like all welfare organizations, this centre on a tight budget and there weren't professionals to conduct classes, only volunteers and voluntarily trained counsellors-who were really just facilitators-cum-discipline masters.

The other interns for the workshop were unprepared in the sense that there really wasn't any lesson plan, apart from and outline that says introduction of program and them exploring the software, or materials to supplement the workshop. Although the software was self-explanatory, given that the students there belonged to needy black families, they were more restless and unmotivated to learn mathematics than normal. The workshop started off with the children looking restless but as Jesse, our leader, started asking them questions and relating what we were doing to everyday life, they children started answering questions and looked more alert.

So it ended of not too badly for the day!

I realized that when it came to mathematics, their foundation was fairly weak, and needed individual attention and guidance. I was able to attend to one of them to teach them about cartesian coordinates, but there were some others who just explored the software aimlessly. And it is really such a pity, because I could see that if they receive more attention, they were willing to think and try. But without guidance, they tend to get restless and eventually not benefit from whatever materials they had in front of them. Still, I see hope for them at the centre, much more than if they are left at home or to wander on the streets.

After the one hour workshop, the rest of the group left while i spoke to the in-charge. I wanted to volunteer to work at the centre on the days that i was free. Since I was there, I felt I should make full use of my time, apart from preparing for FYP. I did think about it previously, but after today, I felt a greater urge to participate more. It's really surprising, because I never felt such a strong need to volunteer. Maybe because it's to do with children, and I see for myself how much potential these kids have if more people could give them attention. Personal, I feel that children are really the ones that deserve all the attention and concern in the world!

After talking to the in-charge, i was about the leave the centre when i saw two boys, about 11 or 12 shooting balls in the centre's indoor basketball court- one of them was in the workshop earlier. I asked if i could join him and i starting shooting too. He was surprisingly welcoming and friendly and we had such a great time even though it's just shooting balls. He even corrected my shooting by asking me to jump more when i made a shot, and i really did better with his advise-he himself proclaimed that he TAUGHT me to get better. He was a great kid, always remembering to take turns, and even gave me extra shots when i almost nailed my 3-pointers. Oh his name is Nicolas, he was an african american, chubby and bubbly!It really brighten my day to know him.

I feel really thankful that I was led to this volunteer experience as i have a feeling that I might have opened a door into the world that belongs to the african americans. It might be only a glimpse to what their life is really like, but it already is a priviledge! Well, I've seen them on the streets and maybe greeted some bus drivers or cashiers, but never engaging them any further. By volunteering here, I may be able to get to know some kids and what difficulties such welfare organizations face, apart from the shortage of volunteers and funds. I know that things might not be all optimistic all the time, but I am prepared to go for this experience and take away as much of it when I leave this place.

I'm really looking forward to the next time i see them! Wish me luck guys!

e-notebk

Today I just spoke to Bernice and she read my blog! I thought that no one believe that I update my blog anymore. I was just browsing through the previous entries and i realized each time i was rushing through so much that I my sentences seem neverending, and sometimes i didn't know what I was typing! Sorry about that you people who are still staying tuned....I'll slow down and type more coherantly.

Just a short comment....I realize that blogging shouldn't have to be so "wholesome" like there's something interesting to talk about. It can also be like a e-notebook, to "finger down" small thoughts and comments!