I cannot be praised- not even from myself

I forgot to add in some photos of my new room in the apt.

Just after feeling good that I seem to have some talent in mechanics, I almost burnt the apartment down yesterday morning!

This is the photo of the island we put together on sunday.


I actually left the stove on and went to sleep. The bottom of the pot actually melted and dripped into the stove. Actually it almost looked like a sculpture piece and the metal collected nicely into a pool. Ok, that's still no excuse for that almost grave mistake!

Why shold it be handyMAN?

I'm beginning to feel good about my decision to stay on in Troy instead of going over to rhode island before the workshop for my internship starts. I think my housemates and I are learning to trust each other and learn about each other.

Yesterday night when Jay came to stay over, we also watch Jurassic Park, but a silly version with people talking at the background mocking the lines by the characters and also about the movie. now I know why America has an irking binge drinking problem among the youth. Even watching a movie and playing games they can leisurely finish a dozen bottles of beer, between 2 guys! And they drink it like it was orange juice or something. they even drink so much soda at one go. I didn't join in, cos I don't like beer and I better not grow the habit.

Oh and today, the landlord brought us a new Island and a sleeping couch that has a foldable bed. The island came in the wooden planks and screws and we had to assemble them. And......I found that I'm quite good with assembling parts. Maybe it has been an interest that I long forgotten. I remember when I was young, I was always interested in watching how my father fixed the household appliance, and how my uncles put the furnitures together. They never let me try out because all the was simply TOO COMPLICATED for a little GIRL. I guess I kinda forgot how I sometimes wanted to breakdown a remote control into it's parts and see if i could fix it again. Haha, another masculine side of me revealed!!

One thing's for sure, the guys would not expect me to know much about fixing things, I could hear it from Matt's tone when he said "don't worry, Jay and I will figure this out". I bet he never would expect to say "I think she's right" when I spotted the mistake and solved their problems a few times. But I did find it weird why they couldn't figure out what I resolved when they are engineering students......hm...i'm sure i'm not that good, I wonder if it's just them...

Tomorrow I am going to start following my study schedule...wish me luck!!!

Getting comfortable here!

Today Jay, my classmate whom I thought was going to stay in this apt came over. He is actually a long-time buddy of Matt's. All of us went to the movies at Colonie Centre (shopping mall) and we watched "A-team". It was quite a cool action movie......quite funny too!

You know at first I was thinking maybe I should just stay in the apt and do my stuff instead of going with them. Then I remembered when I went to NYC myself, if that morning I didn't go travelling with the people I met in the hostel, i wouldn't have made new friends and had that great experience travelling with them and learning from them! Although watching a movie will definitely pale in terms of adventure and learning, it gave me and the guys something to remember and talk about. And I find that I am getting more comfortable around them.

Today I found out that Jeff is really the blur, nerdy kinda guy. I won't be surprised if he's the kind that bullys like to pick on. But that's just the way he is, and he's being himself-which I respect. Too many people in our Singaporean society find the need to wear a sociable, confident mask, even though deep down they feel insecure about who they are. Since I came to the US for GIP, I've seen people of sooo many different personality types that I feel in singapore our personality variation curve is only half or something. But one thing that they all have in common is that, they are jsut themselves, they don't seem to hide it. Even if they are nerdy, they seem to just go with it and heck what people say. This I truly admire, because I recall that sometimes I find it hard to be myself and in the end I don't even know if an opinion or action is really me anymore. In the end, it's the people who really cares that don't care about how perfect you are, and those who don't that picks on your flaws. So why bother about the selfish scrutinizing and superficial judgement of these people? Easier said than done, this I still need to learn.

Today I planned out a schedule for my independent studies since I will be practically only doing computer work until July when the workshop starts. I suddenly realize I have so much time to myself, I really should not waste it. I hope I really bring back something more from this internship period back with me. One of it, I do hope I can bring back a friendship with my housemates, cause I feel that they are really great people in their own way!

My housemates

Today's the 3rd day I'm at my new apartment. I'm beginning to feel good about staying here......Perhaps me freaking out on the first day is God's will, so that when I realize how wrong I was, I would feel so much more assured that I was led here in safe hands!

From what i've gathered, both of them are the more studious kinda engineering guys. Maybe Jeff is a bit more nerdy since he comes across a little essentric and inflexible. He's also quite and all-rounded gamer! He has his Xbox, playstation, and Wee outside in the living room, and inside his room he has his desktop equipped with everything he needs for online gaming. But he's not a hardcore gamer, he watch videos too. Yesterday I could hear him laughing out loud from my room and when i walked pass his room, he was watching some comedy on his computer. He's kinda adorable in his innocent way like a child. He's not so much of an initiator when it comes to helping, but he helps out whenever it seemed obvious that his help is needed. I guess he's just not that sensitive a person, but from what i've seen, definitely not a bad one. Although he's an engineer, he didn't seem good with math when we were dividing the cost for grocery shoping yesterday, as there were many stuff we bought that i will not be using, so grocery was a little more complicated.

Matt don't seem like a nerd to me, more like a dilligent and intelligent worker with little words. He does speak with more EQ and doesn't have that essentric aura that nerds have. He's also not the wild guy with the taleban terrorist aura....as what i saw on his facebook before meeting them. His facebook was the one that freaked my out so much I seriously tried to persuade my landlord to let me move out of this apartment. I'm glad I took the chance and stayed on to meet them first. He's the one that people can talk to and not feel awkward, and he offered to give me lift whenever I need to go around since I don't drive here. Surprisingly, Matt is quite a neat person and lives quite a healthy lifestyle. Most of the organic and non-processed groceries are brought by him-granola bars, wheat biscuits, orange juice, chicken breast meat instead of thighs, organic rice etc. Jeff is the typical american student that likes processed frozen food and sodas and ice-creams- but he says he's trying to eat healthy (he bought a box of ice-cream bars yesterday..no comments). And Matt sleeps early, at 11pm his lights go out..for the past 2 nights.

Woo......I realized I've been quite observant to list all these out for the past 2 days! Oh and we had dinner together last night. I prepared something that is more western than chinese even though they told me they do take chinese food- I just didn't know if true healthy chinese food will be to thier liking. They seemed to like the food I prepared since all the mushroom chicken was finished...except that Jeff ate all the chicken and left the mushrooms-apparently he doesn't like mushrooms. Matt doesn't like pork- lucky he said he doesn't LIKE and not he don't EAT, if not my concern about him being a muslim terrorist will arise again. We bought pork chop in the end since Matt said he would give pork a chance again.

After dinner, we went grocery shopping together, and it was Sam's Club!!! My favourite grocery store, cause everything comes in bulk....like a food warehouse. I was glad that I could offer my membership card so they could enjoy the benefit. Now is really the testing time when each of us are trying to check out what kind of a person we each are, and whether we are the contributors or the leechers. I found out that the 2 of them are definitely not leechers, and I am more then willing to contribute as much within my ability to maintain a good housemate relationship.

So far things seem pretty good, and I even chose to stay here to do my independent studies before the workshop for my internship starts, instead of going over to stay at Rose's place.

Thank God my housemates are not weirdos or crazy party people!

Post-trip, pre-internship, meet- the-housemates

I am now at the new apartment alone. My 2 housemates are out to work in their internship and I will only see them for the first time tonight when they are back at about 630pm.

I know this entry should be about how wonderful travelling had been, but I just am not in the mood to talk about it yet. Maybe because today marks the first day that I spend in Troy alone, and on top of that, I do not know what to expect from my housemates. This brings me back to the start of GIP, I can't really remember how I felt on the first day, but there wasn't anything so significantly sad that I remember it. But now I really feel fear deep inside and i'm worried that it will slowly grow to such an intensity that I can't avoid it.

After touching down at 930 this morning, I spent the day reactivating my US number (cos I lost it in Vancouver), and coming back to unpack my stuff. I found that I was kind of battling with my own voice inside my head, crying out that I am really alone now, no Singaporeans around me, and it will be like that for 2 months. I have to admit that for the whole day I have been avoiding thinking about it, because I know that coming to terms with it would require some emo-ing and maybe tears again. I guess it's not only that I will be alone here that scares me, but living with 2 American guys. I really don't know if i can get along with them, and I totally do not know what ot expect. If living here would be just living apart as housemates and not even friends, the 2 months will be enduring! Well, ironically, this is something that I have been wanting to experience.

Was chatting with friend online just now, trying to distract myself from my own thoughts, and my housemates came back from work! They seem like nice people. But people usually appear nice at first and time slowly reveals OTHER things. I just hope it's good things.....

I feel much better now after I have met them. We are all back in our own rooms doing our stuff. It's better this way for a first day......too much forced socialization will only make things awkward.

I'll be uploading my photos from the trip soon! Tomorrow starts the internship.....excited and also anxious if I can be of help to the research team....gambatte!

Lost in New York City part 1

I am actually on the bus back to Albany now after spending 3 days of "independent" travelling in NYC. It has been a EXPERIENCE believe me, especially for my case.

To begin with, I gotta say that NYC is really quite overrated in some areas. In terms of how great it is for a tourist , and also how bad it is on the streets. I stayed near Rockelfeller centre where all the main shopping areas are, Times Square, Fifth Avenue, Sixth Avenue....there were MANY shops but it's really just a collection of shops, and in terms of good deals, there aren't much really. Well it's great for shopping if you have some big bucks prepared, but definitely not for those on a tighter budget. It's also a good place for shopping because the area offers a wide variety of shops, mostly boutiques though. So relatively to other shopping countries like Singapore, Hongkong, NYC is really not much greater, unless it's the American brands you are looking for, then it will definitely be a dream come true.

But what's great I feel, is really the theatre scene, and I'm sure you guys have heard how it is a MUST to watch a play or musical in NYC. I haven't watched any, but all those who have watched only sang praises and not one bad comment....yet. And in almost every streeet around the Times Sqaure area are broadway theatres, big billboards, and definitely people promoting tickets on the streets!

Well for food, there's quite a wide variety of it. There's cheaper "zhap cai beng" (mix vegetable rice), sandwiches and American food like pizza, and there's also most expensive restaurants offering seafood to Italian food. One the interesting things is that for the "zhap cai beng" you pack your own food and choose from a buffet-like spread, and they charge according ot the WEIGHT, yes I mean how heavy that pack is! I was quite amazed at this mode of charging too. It was surprising that you really get some chinese dishes in the spread too. They also have their street-side stalls that sells drinks and snack everywhere, but it's not much cheaper either, I bought a bottle of mineral water this morning for USD$2 (a desparate buy because my bus was leaving in 3 minutes and i didn't have time to go fill my bottle).

Another, I feel, myth about NYC is the security. Well there are definitely many "homeboys" in the area, but most of them jsut keep to the other black people, because they know the "5-0" (police) are everywhere. And they are, i'm not sure if it's due to the recent bomb threat, but the police where everywhere in times square, they also had a police stationed in the middle of the area with glass walls giving them a view of the streets. Moreover, most black people you see in NYC are working, either in stores or selling tickets of all sorts on the streets, so they are not those you see loitering in the streets or gathering together and just laughing and cursing. Well it make sense, cause in NYC, it's not so much about surviving in terms of brute, but BUCKS! In fact, I didn't feel threatened or intimidated in NYC by the blacks, and if they are eliminated of the threat pool, then then sense of security is heightened. So much that I became really comfortable, and lost my wallet in one of the biggest cities in the world!

To be continued......because I'm falling asleep on the bus.....

It's almost like a fast forward, and now everyone is leaving Troy and embarking on their last stretch of travelling before heading back to Singapore......After all that mental preparation the past 3 weeks, I doubt any of us will ever be "prepared" to leave our GIP life.

Some of us, like Valerie and Zixuan were ready to go home, and it made me kinda felt like going home too sometimes. If not for the fact that I am quite interest in the nature of my internship research, I think I would just got on a plane and go home. I know for sure I'll dip into a period of depression, realizing that all the familiar people are not beside me, or even somewhere accessible. After Valerie, Zixuan and Pei Pei left for DC today, I'm really beginning to feel it..... I just hope the travelling will help buffer the transition between being a part of a 14 exchange student group to an individual overseas internship student. It's really quite scary.

As the 3 of us left in the apartment were clearing what remains in the apartment, it really feels like we were going back in time to where we first started, when the whole apartment was empty. As the days add on our calender, so did the things we bought, together, for the apartment. What was added to the apartment since we came, were , well ,ALOT of groceries and food stuff, but also new understanding for each other. I realized that you trully learn alot about people when you stay with them for a few months. Without fail, you'll be able to catch each person's flaws, and for the first person you find a major flaw, the first reaction would be "turn off", followed by asking the other housemate if they feel the same way. More often than not, all the other housemates come to agreement, and this will most probably lead to a period of gossips here and there, with the intention of both not wanting to hurt the "person" and also for the kick of talking behind people shortcomings.

But as time passes, you'll realize that this will happen for each person in the house. Then ultimately, it'll go one full circle and back to you, where you'll somehow get feedback on your own major flaw. Only then will you realize that, EVERYONE has a major flaw! Just when you think that the person you are gossiping about belong to the minority in the population that just annoys people, look closer, everyone is in this "group", even yourself! This is a very big lesson I've learned from my housemates, to never be judgmental about others, because our own flaws are equally or even more annoying to others.

At first, when Daphne finally revealed to me today that sometimes I make decisions and assume that everyone is happy with it, my first reaction was to defend myself. Because I felt injustice, I felt that all the "house" decisions I made was more often than not for the good of others and not myself.....and yet I was just seen as being assertive. I felt frustrated, unappreciated and angry. But I realized, that I was generalizing my role back in my family to this "family". At home I made all the decisions, did all the initiation, and "took care" of stuff. But that was for my "little" brothers and sister! And I realized, that I simply cannot do that for a group of adults. No doubt my intention is to serve others, but I realized that if I have made assumptions,thinking that the people I was caring for would agreed and be equally as excited as me about them. It's to my greatest horror, that my way of serving others only "serves" to serve myself- what "I" think is best for people, is not always what they are happy or comfortable with. I am totally humbled, and it's time to do some soul searching......

Now I just feel bad that Daphne and especially Valerie had to put up with that part of me. But they taught me something else about myself, that I would NEVER have realized if they didn't point it out to me. It made me realize that caring is not just about the outcome, but how the people involve "feel" about the process. Not everyone wants to be cared for in the same way, and things just backfire if you make too many assumptions.

Well, although I feel frustrated about my deep mistake, I am still glad that Daphne told me about it. Opening up is always the best, because it bridges understanding instead of brewing resentments! And the 3 of us has been quite open about things , at least ultimately, with each other. I'm really happy that I got to know them better, their flaws and their strengths and they taught me about my own problems too! I guess living together should not be all smooth-flowing and friendly, because that only avoids clashing of differences. It's only when differences clash, will people grow new chemistry and bonds with each other- so science (chemistry) does make sense!

I just hope that whatever time i have left here with the GIP people I will treasure it, because we can never have such an experience again in our lives. When we all go back to our families, our friends, our best friends, we may not ever be so close anymore, but we definitely shared something special during these 5 months here on GIP!

Right now, I definitely have half the mind of wanting to go back. But I'll have to push myself abit more this time, there's more to experience and more to learn. And first up, TRAVELLING ALONE IN NYC!!!!